Tuesday, February 17, 2009

A Plea to my Friends

In today's news:

TOLEDO, Ohio - A man held a woman captive in handcuffs and an adult diaper for three days while he read Bible passages to her, police said.

Troy Brisport, 34, was charged with kidnapping and felonious assault. Bail was set Tuesday at $400,000.

He picked up the woman Wednesday night in Detroit after she told him she had nowhere to stay, and brought her to his home in Toledo, about 55 miles (88 kilometers) away, police told The Toledo Blade newspaper.

The woman told police that after she fell asleep Brisport handcuffed her wrists and ankles, gagged her, undressed her and put her in an adult diaper, then read Bible passages, said police Capt. Ray Carroll.

She apparently was not sexually assaulted, Carroll said.

However, court documents alleged that Brisport tried several times to suffocate the woman using a pillow and blanket.

I sent the following plea to one of my friends, but I figure I better send it to everyone - consider it insurance:

If I end up homeless, please let me put up a tent in your backyard. I'll work for shower and laundry privileges, and I'll sit in my tent with my iPod on loud when you want your private time in the yard, I promise. I don't want to end up in a diaper listening to bad recitations from the Bible. Please.

{The text was changed to protect the names of the innocent.}


Anonymous said...

Having an active imagination and a minuscule knowledge of your previous dating habits, are you sure you haven't been naked, handcuffed, and in a diaper before? Oh that thought was,is a tad bit disturbing. However, if all other options fail, there is room for a tent on this ark and there is a wireless access to the other world. I only require a fresh pot of coffee in the morning and a lovely vegetarian stew in the evening as payment. And I am building a bridge to get across the moat to Terabithia. Grey Owl

Viviana said...

I can assure you, I've never been handcuffed, diapered, or had bible verses read to me on a date. {No comment on various states of undress, thank you.}

Mayhap I could even build a little yurt out there in goat land.

Coffee and stew can be managed, I'm sure - thanks, Grey Owl!

Anonymous said...

No more goats, you would be free to use wood tent stakes instead of metal. Goats in winter=no forage=feeding=penning=pen cleaning=new home.

Viviana said...

I love your goat math! Have you considered teaching a livestock algebra class?