Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Heartbreak of Large Hadron Colliders

Or, It Ain't Me, Babe...

Well, dear readers, I have to confess to a shameful fact – I’ve been dumped. Yes, the mad scientist has decided to move on to greener pastures. And I have to admit to being rather down about it; I was enjoying our dates. I thought he was too, but apparently the LHC has more appeal than I do with my paltry beaker mug and broken Geiger counter. Yes, he told me that he cared for me, but that his first love would always be the Higgs boson. And let's face it, no matter how good I look in a low-cut sweater, my brand of magnetism pales in comparison to 1,232 dipole magnets and 392 quadrupole magnets.

What’s next, you say? Well, I wasn’t looking for a relationship of any kind when the mad scientist asked me out, so I suspect I’ll go back to not looking for a relationship. That’s what I get for letting myself be distracted from my whaling novel. I am glad I went with the steam-powered submarine suggested by one of my readers. Nuclear is nice – but my Geiger counter doesn ’t work, and nuclear will simply remind me of my failures in the dating scene. My erstwhile beau was interested in nuclear power, not steam engines.

Of course, perhaps my three loyal readers can help me compose a nerd-friendly write-up for some dating sites....Yes, I said nerds. I don't want to date men who are a too much of a challenge. When I want a serious challenge, I'll study Cantonese.


Anonymous said...

A "nerd-friendly write-up for some dating sites"? Well, there is an interesting site called VeggieDate, yes, I know you are a carnivore, but sometimes we have to make small sacrifices for what we want. I reviewed the site for you:

Dave is a 40 year old, spiritual, Caucasian / White male, 5' 11 /180cm with average build.
Living in Seattle, Washington, United States
with children none, seeking casual dates OR serious relationship / marriage.
Vegan diet, drinks alcohol socially and never smokes.
I've been living in Seattle for the last 13 years. Love it here, love my fellow irreverent-istas and unless uprooted by megalomaniacal militia groups, plan to make this my home for some time. I like live shows from the punkrawk to the hiphop. I like movies at home, cranking the tunes, supporting my local rollerderby league - the Rat City Rollergirls, yukking it up with my friends and studying mixed martial arts. I'm unsuitable for military service - Right! Far LEFT! My worst fear/secret desire is to be surrounded by flesh-eating zombies and having to shoot my way to safety. I'm rooting for and provoking in my own little ways a socialist revolution in this here country of ours. You in? In the meantime I wanna have some fun with a rockabilly soundtrack in the background. Can you Dig It?

Seeking: I am seeking a woman who shares some of my interests - world history, revolutionary social movements,'70s martial arts flicks, dancing in my living room or on some secret rooftop, just to name a few. I like to cook and want to serve up some vegan grub for a woman who likes service with a smile. I am interested in a long term, committed relationship, ideally. I work in the U.S.A.'s first and only all organic / fair trade certified chocolate factory in Fremont. That said, I am unsure about whether I'll ever be able to provide for children in the future. I hope to meet a sweetheart who understands these things and can teach me some new tricks. BARK!

Jane said...

Small sacrifices? Small sacrifices?!? Sushi is not a small sacrifice. Not in the least. Neither are yogurt or butter or eggs.

I could easily give up mammalian flesh, or birdie morsels, but, in the words of the immortal Cat from Red Dwarf, "I'm going to eat you, little fishies!"

No, no vegan dates, please. I'll stick with men who were nerdy enough to have watched the Gerry Anderson series "UFO", thank you very much.